NICU Reunion

Tonight was the annual NICU reunion. It was really fun. I haven't gone before for multiple reasons. Alex got out of the hospital about a month and a half before the reunion the first year we could have gone. He was still super tiny. We didn't go that year because we had CAST for kids the same day and I was just too tired (so was Alex). Last year CAST was the same day again and we didn't go for pretty much the same reason. This year I decided to go, mostly because I wanted to see one specific person... his primary nurse from the time he was in the NICU. I feel like I owe so much to this woman. Her name is Carrie and she is the most amazing nurse I have ever met. I wanted her to be Alex's primary nurse and she was already the primary for another child so she told me she couldn't do it. About a week later she asked if I had found someone else yet and I told her I hadn't so she said she would do it and she'd just figure something out and try to work with both Alex and the other child she was primary for. She was really good with Alex and always kept me updated on things that were going on with him. She was amazing with me as well. I have to admit that the NICU is a major roller coaster. It is not an easy thing to have to go through, you feel like you don't get to take care of your own baby. She was always there to listen to me whine and complain and vent my frustrations. If I had any issues with the NICU or with something going on with Alex, she made sure they got solved immediately. I feel that it takes a very special person to do her job. She was my guardian angel while Alex was in the hospital. Carrie has such a big soft heart. In December I received a Christmas card from her. It didn't say much except "Hope all is well, Carrie" but when I got it I was immediately filled with joy because I wanted her to know how well Alex was doing. I got the return address and sent her a card with a picture of Alex in it and I included a letter telling her how grateful I am for meeting her. Today, at the reunion, I was a little upset becaues I couldn't find her. Alex was getting tired of being there and was ready to go. As we were leaving I saw a woman from behind that looked really familiar and as soon as she turned around I felt the tears coming! She saw me and gave me a huge hug and I told her that I was so excited to see her. She said that she was working and wanted to come down to see if I was there. That made me feel very special and it proved again that she is a very caring, loving person. She said that she had asked one of the other nurses if they had seen me but they didn't know who I was and as soon as she turned around, there I was. I started crying and told her that if it weren't for her I honestly don't think I would have survived the NICU. She cried as well which really touched my heart. I feel like this woman was my saviour and she did so much to help Alex and I get through his first two months of life. I am so overly elated that I got to see her tonight. She was kind enough to hold Alex for a picture for me. Carrie is one of my heroes and I am so blessed to have met her. I owe her so much for being a part of Alex's life and mine.

We'll Miss you Jen!

One of my best friends, Jen, and her husband Jerry are moving to Missouri. They had a little going away party and invited everyone. It was nice to get together with everyone and relax and have a good time before they left. We'll miss you guys so much! Love you!
(There are lots more pictures but I'm not quite sure where they're at, maybe on a CD somewhere, so I'll add them later)

CAST for kids

Of course I volunteered at Cast for Kids again this year. Alex spent the night with Jen so that he wasn't bored the whole time we were there. There were lots of kids and lots of fun. Jeannette (Kristy, William, Jen and Jerry's niece) was invited again and she had a blast. She did fall in the water and freaked William out a bit but once she was dry and warm, she was happy again!

Crawdads

We tried to do some crawdad catching yesterday with Kristy and her family. We didn't really catch any, but we had tons of fun. Alex wanted to jump in the lake to play so he ended up naked after a little while. And all of Kristy's boys, except Braxton, jumped in the lake too.






After we were done trying to get crawdads, we made burgers and hot dogs for dinner before going home.





And of course, we let Alex drive us home!

4th of July weekend

Well, we didn't do a whole lot on 4th of July weekend, but we got to spend some time with Michelle and Elizabeth. On the 3rd, I watched Elizabeth. Alex and Elizabeth love to play together. We went for a walk and they both took a bath, we had fun.






Then on Saturday, the 4th, Michelle and Elizabeth came over. We went to a carnival here in West Jordan. We walked around for a bit and rode a couple of rides and played a couple of games.





That night Alex and I did a few very little fireworks in the street. He loved watching them.

Just had some things on my mind...

I had some things on my mind tonight and I know that not many people read my blog much so I figured this was a good way for me to put my thoughts down somewhere without having to worry about everyone judging me.

As most everyone knows, I lost Jakob on March 3, 2006. I think about him all the time still and I still miss him greatly. I have Alex of course, but that would never replace my first baby boy. I wonder all the time what he would be doing if he were here. I wonder if he'd be a good big brother to Alex. I wonder if he'd like the same types of things Alex does, like tools and cars and trucks, and books and Elmo. I wonder if he would be tall and skinny like Alex is, or if he'd be shorter and chubbier. I just wish that I didn't have to lose him. I wish that I could give him big hugs like I do with Alex. I wish that I could hold him at night and make the bad dreams go away. I get frustrated with Alex at times, but then I have to tell myself that I should just be grateful to have such a miracle in my life. I shouldn't get upset or frustrated with Alex. Sometimes I think that losing Jakob may have made me a better mom for just that reason. Because I can look at myself and tell myself that I can't take my son for granted, I can't get upset with him because I have to give him every bit of love I can. Life is too short for him to ever think that I'm unhappy with him.

This leads me to my sister, Kelly. She was 31 weeks pregnant when she found out that her son's heart had stopped beating. The Dr's don't know why or what happened. They had her deliver and baby James was born on May 24th, 2009 at 7:10 pm (I think.) She would have been such a wonderful mom to him. She was changing so many things in her life to be able to provide a good life for him. She was becoming a happier person... and that was all taken away from her, without a single reason.

Next is Mandi. She lost her first son also. His name was Brendon and he was born in September of 2004 (Sorry Mandi, I can't remember the exact date, I'm probably even wrong on the year! :( They don't know why she lost him, he was only 21 weeks, like Jakob. I know they say things happen for a reason and the only reason I can come up with for Mandi and I both losing babies, is that it brought me one of the most wonderful friends I could have ever asked for. If we lived in the same city, or even the same state, we would probably be the kind of friends that people see one and say "Where's your twin?" She is a beautiful person, inside and out, and an amazing friend. She had her second son Mason, in 2005. He is healthy for the most part, except he has asthma. She is now pregnant with her third son, Braxton. He will be born in September, (if he cooperates and stays where he's supposed to until then) and sadly, he has a heart defect and Down Syndrome.

After all of this I have to ask, why do these things happen to people? My sister and my friend are such great people (and I like to think the same about myself). They are both good with kids, both hard workers in everything they do in life, they both do what they can to be there for others. These are the kind of people who lose babies??? I know so many people out there whose lives revolve around drugs, or don't want to work for a living to take care of themselves and their families, or don't care about their children, or who BEAT their chilren and yes I've even known someone who killed his child. Yet, those are the people who get to keep their children, they get healthy chilren, they get to have more and more children. None of this makes sense to me. I feel that people who work their asses off to better themselves or to make a good life for their children, should be the ones who get to have healthy, LIVING babies. The people who are too selfish to realize that they are taking care of not only themselves, but a small, helpless little child, they shouldn't be allowed to have children.

I know that I'll never have answers to any of my questions, but like I said I felt that I needed to put my thoughts down. I feel like this sometimes helps me. Sorry for the rant, for anyone who reads this...